• I think my spirit animal is on the side of the road, totally dead.
  2013-05-21 06:22:36
• Flight attendant: At this time all electronic devices must be turned off and stowed. Me: *poker face*
  2013-05-21 05:14:13
• First I was like no and then I was like no and now I'm like bye.
  2013-05-21 03:25:28
• *puts on gym shorts* *puts in earbuds* *plays Eye of the Tiger* *flexes in mirror* *does one sit-up* *ruptures spleen* *dies*
  2013-05-21 01:31:47
• I feel sad, I think I'll watch some funny YouTube videos to cheer me up :) "This video is not available because ur dumb and annoying." :(
  2013-05-20 06:44:11
• Love me. http://t.co/L5IjJ35zDP
  2013-05-18 02:03:40
• May is Better Hearing Month and my friends at @starkeycares are helping people all over the world to hear better. http://t.co/cyTQwuKnuL
  2013-05-17 21:30:49
• Today's forecast: mostly lazy with 100% chance of I don't care.
  2013-05-17 20:02:24
• "What time does the 7 o'clock bus leave" -my social skills
  2013-05-17 17:12:44
• Baby you could give me 43 years to do homework and I wouldn't do it until the night before.
  2013-05-17 17:05:31
• A cool breeze stirs the curtains. Matt Damon sits at his computer, breathing heavily. He goes to http://t.co/UxJJJ1JZm8. "Yes" he whispers.
  2013-05-17 17:01:40